Building a Calm Down Bin
Filled with tools to help you and your kids re-regulate in times of stress
The last few weeks I have been writing a series of posts tackling the Winter Blahs for both parents and children alike. Today I would like to focus on a topic that I have been meaning to write about for years, as it has greatly helped in seasons when nervous system dysregulation and sensory seeking (and avoiding) behaviors have been at their most challenging: the Calm Down Bin.
I want to preface this by saying that just having a Calm Down Bin and suggesting that your child use it will not work. When a child (or an adult for that matter) is in a state of dysregulation, they need a calm, active, and invested partner to help with co-regulation. Studies show that this act of co-regulation between the parent and child dyad is what leads to greater self-regulation for the child.
The items in the Calm Down Bin are tools for connection and re-regulation, not punishment or consequence for undesirable behavior. This is not the Modern Parent’s time out.
Honestly, it is best if we notice the beginning of the downward spiral to dysregulation before it intensifies and then use the tools at our disposal to help our kids to co-regulate along with us. However, it doesn’t always happen that way. My house is filled with high-energy, gifted twice exceptional, special personalities and things can spiral out of control in pretty quick succession.
The items in our Calm Down Bin are there to help us to offer suggestions for our children to re-regulate, building self-awareness and coping skills for the future. It is a buffet to browse, not a fire hose to douse away challenging behavior. We cannot expect our sweet, immature, dysregulated charges to have these coping skills coming into the Calm Down Bin session. Think of the Calm Down Bin as a facilitator of connection that allows the loving care giver to down-shift right alongside the child.
Our calm down bin contains several toys and tools that boost mindfulness and engagement with the present, encouraging deep breathing, concentration, and sensory system stimulation. I think of it as our Mary Poppins bag of mindfulness tools.
What kinds of things would you find in our calm down bin? These are the items that have stood the test of time.
Liquid Motion Bubble Timer - These are hands-down my kids favorite tool in our Calm Down Bin. They encourage close attention and have a general calming effect on the nervous system.
Bouncy Light Up Ball - So squishy and fun to touch! They elicit an immediate reaction and close attention, engaging large muscles when thrown in a safe space, which can “use up” adrenaline and cortisol.
Kazoos - Encourages deep breathing and a relaxed upper body. They are plain old fun encouraging laughter and connection, which go a long way in helping us to co-regulate with our kids.
Therapressure Brushes - My kids love when I brush their arms and legs, which stimulates and relaxes their nervous system while building connection through touch. We usually do this while they are looking at a Liquid Motion Bubble Timer or I am reading them a guided meditation (see below).
Find It Hidden Object Game - Encourages kids to look closely and use hand-eye coordination, which slows their breathing and increases focus.
Kids Guided Mindfulness Journal - Includes journaling prompts, illustrations, and ideas for thinking through feelings and thoughts. Targeted at older kids to process their big feelings alone or with a caregiver.
Books About Feelings - These help kids to identify what they were feeling prior to the dysregulation, and act as a conversation starter about being in-tune with our feelings. The act of naming things, like their feelings, gives kids autonomy and control.
Mindfulness Moments Cards - An unplugged, connection building activity. Each card is a short guided meditation to be read aloud by the adult. Some include large motor movements.
Kaleidoscope - Encourages the eye to focus on the changing images, calming the mind. Even better if your child narrates to you what they see, as it helps them to focus on the images. This is best encouraged by the parent narrating what they see first; we have two kaleidoscopes in our calm down bin for this reason.
Breathing Ball - Can be used to visually model focused 3D breathing patterns. While opening the ball, encourage kids to take a 3D breath into their ribs, where the ribs move forward/up, side to side, and back/out; hold for a moment and then slowly drop the shoulders and relax the jaw on the exhale. Really fun for kids to physically show you how their breath feels when they are upset and when they are calm. When in doubt, use a visual!
When a child is struggling to calm down from an excitement or dysregulation, we pull out the calm down bin, sit on the ground and rifle through the possibilities. Examining each one for its potential to help in the mission of re-engaging with the present moment. Being in the present moment has significant positive impacts on our mental health. It’s one of the reasons that studies find that people who engage in breath work, prayer, or meditation are happier and more well adjusted. This is what the calm down bin does not only for your child, but you, as their loving caretaker.
It is a tool that we turn back to again and again as our children have grown from toddlers to teens. When used regularly it can be a tool of connection and co-regulation for both caregiver and child alike.
If you build a Calm Down Bin of your own, please stop back and let me know how you are using it in your home.